My Favorite "Eat, Pray, Love" movie quote of all time

Elizebeth goes to Ketut at the end of the movie because she felt like she was in balance.  She thought that falling in love again would bring her out of balance.  Ketut, Gilbert's advisor in Indonesia, tells her this at the end of the movie, which later results in her living a balanced life.  

“To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced
life.” 

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia

A Touching Letter: From the Movie "Eat, Pray, Love..."

Dear David,

We haven’t had any communication in a while, and it’s given me time I needed to think.

Remember when you said we should live with each other and be unhappy so we could be happy? Consider it a testimony to how much I love you that I spent so long pouring myself into that offer, trying to make it work.

But my friend took me to the most amazing place the other day, it’s called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came, they trashed it along with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome’s first true great Emperor, how could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would one day be in ruins?

It’s one of the quietest and loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up, around it over centuries, feels like a precious womb, like a heartache you won’t let go of…as it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same, David. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins.

Then I looked around this place, at the chaos it’s endured, the way it’s been adapted, burnt, pillaged then found a way to build itself back up again and I was reassured. Maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is and the only real trap is getting attached to any of it.

Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.

Even in this eternal city, the Augusteum showed me that we must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation.

Both of us deserve better than staying together because we’re afraid we’ll be destroyed if we don’t.

 

Elizabeth Gilbert (Julia Roberts), Eat, Pray, Love

The Reasons I Became a Yoga Teacher

It has been almost a year now since I graduated from yoga school in November 2013.  I wrote this letter for the Open Space Yoga Teacher Training Scholarship Program.  I was awarded the only scholarship for my graduating class of Fall 2013.  This is the letter I wrote to Jennifer Reuter, one of the head yoga teachers at the school, explaining my reasons for wanting to deepen by understanding of yoga and to become a Yoga Teacher.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

To Jennifer Reuter

I am writing concerning the Open Space Teacher Training Scholarship Program with your school.  I have a particular interest in learning from your program and would appreciate being considered as a candidate for a scholarship

I was drawn to your school with my strong interest in the depth of yoga offered there.  This is because at the beginning of the 2012 year I was undergoing a significant transformation in my life and yoga helped facilitate change.  An ex-lawyer, passing through Oahu, told me about how he left his entire life in the mainland and went on a journey, traveling around the world.  As he traveled, he discovered yoga.  Being burnt out from his own life, as I was myself around that time, he arrived to Oahu to stay for a year and discovered Open Space Yoga.  As he spoke to me, he had the opportunity to experience how other studios and wellness centers on Oahu did yoga.  His response about Open Space’s yoga was, “They do it right!”  Since that moment, I inundated myself in yoga from Open Space and discovered yoga beyond the fitness, where yoga actually takes someone deeper.  

           

My recent jobs in the last few years were a psycho-educational instructor, providing both group and 1-on-1 support, at various Oahu prisons for 2 ½ years.  I have nearly 2 years of experience as a group facilitator and 1 ½ years’ experience as a Stress Reduction instructor.  As a Stress Reduction instructor I was supervised by a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  I am familiar with instructing psycho-educational classes for wellness, teaching various relaxation techniques, meditation, conducting 1-on-1 sessions to assess mental and emotional stability of clients, assisting clients with any issues they are comfortable addressing, and functioning independently in a prison setting.  My experience includes direct contact with those with mental health and substance abuse issues.  Also, I have had nearly 4 years of experience as a Part-Time Teacher for the Department of Education (DOE) and as a Supplemental Contract Instructor in various Oahu prisons teaching general education courses and have participated in DOE workshops to strengthen my teaching style.  In total, I have had 6 ½ years of experience as a  teaching inmates in a prison setting in multiple programs. 

Currently, I am a Counselor at Hina Mauka Waipahu Clinic and a Group Fitness Instructor for the YMCA.  I have been teaching fitness and wellness for the YMCA for nearly 1 ½ years teaching at different sites.  I have been given the authority, given my personal practice and AFFA Yoga certificate to teach yoga at various times at Leeward and Nuuanu YMCA.  In the past, I had regularly scheduled yoga classes and have substituted classes as needed per site.  Currently I am subbing yoga classes and other formats and have communicated to the YMCA that I want to be placed on the regular schedule, as in the past, to teach at least 1 yoga class per week so I may practice teaching while attending your school.  That soon will be a reality.

My current fitness and wellness experience includes the following: AFAA Group Primary (since Feb 2012), AFAA Yoga (since Feb 2012), Schwinn Indoor Cycling (since March 2011), TRX Suspension Band (since Jan 2012), Zumba Jump Start Gold and Aqua Zumba (March 2012), Silver and Fit (since Oct 2012), GlucoFit (Nov 2012), CPR/AED + First Aid (since August 2012) attend various AEA workshops and certificate pending upon completion of exam, various workshops (2012) through OpenSpace Yoga on developing personal yoga practice, Yantra painting as meditation, and Restorative Yoga Teacher Training (March 2013 pending completion of assignments).

I have a bachelor’s degree from the University of Hawaii at Manoa in Philosophy and have completed the clinical courses in Substance Abuse Counseling from Leeward Community College.  On the horizon, I am enrolled in a Vipassana 10-day course this June 19, 2013 to June 30, 2013 on the Big Island of Hawaii.  My belief is that meditation is at the heart of yoga.  I have cultivated and nurtured a daily insight meditation practice as well as a yoga practice most times of the week.  My strengths are my sense of humor, creativity, and love of learning,

My plan is to complete the Open Space Teacher Training Program this Fall 2013 and to deepen my personal yoga and meditation practice.  Then I am to move to New York City immediately after graduation from your program to teach the spirit of aloha and the specific style of yoga imbued in me by your school.  In New York City I will explore and nurture my creativity.  There I will teach a depth of yoga, going beyond fitness, in both a group and private individual settings.  In addition, I will continue to teach other fitness and wellness formats I am trained in and involve myself in opportunities to develop my personal and professional self.  Recently, in the last few years I noticed more of my time and energy has been focused on meditation, yoga, and wellness training that surround these subject matters.  Ultimately, I want yoga to be part of my life.  I love yoga and meditation. 

I hope this will be helpful in evaluating my qualifications as a candidate for your scholarship program.  Please feel free to contact me at your earliest convenience.  I look forward to meeting or chatting with you to discuss my future Open Space Yoga Teacher Training Program in August 2013.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

        Namaste,

        Derek

For Review: A College Paper from the Past

This was a paper I wrote in November of 2005.  I decided to pick this as my writing sample to have reviewed.  (More to come about this soon).  Please read.

Professor Middleton

Psychobiographies: English 466

14 November 2005

An Auto-Psychobiographical look at Psychotherapy Gone Bad

If a wealthy person were never poor, would they truly be appreciating their economical status?  Does a prostitute in Burma, who never had the opportunity or access to resources, appreciate the negation of their current condition?  Would a person that has not tasted a strawberry be able to say they appreciate or not appreciate the fruit?  Human existence is filled with questions.  More importantly the ability to question is indicative of humanity.  In times of adversity the negation of it, usually a situation of better qualitative value is desired; yet, those moments of happiness are few and far between and never last for long.    While the inevitability of human existence are disheartening Girl, Interrupted brings forth the importance of adversity as a necessary condition for embracing humanity’s ability of hope and transformation through an auto-psycho-biographical self-analysis of an intelligent author attempting to understand and cope with the adversities of inadequate therapy.  

 Individuals within humanity are subjected to psychiatric diagnosis.  The medical community is not always correct.  “Like Prozac Nation, this memoir [Girl, Interrupted] points toward a critique of ‘bad’ psychotherapy and of the institutions that control the decisions regarding mental health” (Marlan 4).  The medical community’s methods for treating patients are not always effective either.  The patient suffers the most.  Adversities of life are a necessary condition for being a human.  In One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, a patient named McMurphey goes through a similar ordeal like Susanna Kaysen; however, McMurphey is not voluntarily institutionalized like Kaysen.  Nevertheless both characters have to deal with the medical community as an institution.  While institutionalized a patient gives away a part of their freedom and must submit to the power dynamics of the institution.   

Like Girl, Interrupted, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest parallels how the human condition of hope is still alive even under extreme conditions of oppression.  “They (the Combine) don’t bust you that way;” says McMurphey in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest to Chief, “They put things in!  They install things.  They start as quick as they see you’re gonna be big and go to working and stalling their filthy machinery when you’re little, and keep on and on till you’re fixed! ” (Kesey 189). This is to say that the Combine, metaphorical for groups with overwhelming power relations and influence, is the evil culprit.  There is, in McMurphey’s eyes, hope that the control being harnessed onto them is temporal.  Moreover, his testimony implies that an outside group “installed” things or conducted behavioral conditioning.  So, if it can be learned, then it can be unlearned.  If someone can transform another person in society, can a person transform themselves?  The dialogue between McMurphey and the Chief reiterates how adversity is a way to cherish humanity’s ability of hope.  It is possible, according to McMurphey to transform oneself because he believes it to be true.  Without hope, even under conditions of extreme oppression, humans no longer would be.  Hope allows people to move on or like in the Hawaiian culture “Imua” move forward.  Hope allows a person to move forward regardless of the situation.  Hope keeps a person alive.

          Girl, Interrupted is interesting in that it is a psycho-biographical self-analysis.  A highly intelligent woman confined within a medical institution, Kaysen, attempts to deal with the power dynamics of the institution she voluntarily has chosen to be confined in.  In the chapter entitled Checks in Girl, Interrupted the power dynamic of the McLean Hospital are oppressive.  “Five-minute checks.  Fifteen-minute checks.  Half-hour checks” (Kaysen 54).  These are the various intervals of time that nurses must insure the safety of their patients.  “Five-minute checks.  Not enough time to drink a cup of coffee, read three pages of a book, take a shower”  (Kayesen 54)  Also, the consistent checking is the institutions way of maintaining its power relations.  If there were no individuals that required medical attention, then medical professionals would not have a job.  Perhaps the struggle between patients and medical professionals is the process of diagnosing a patient, categorizing them, creating a treatment plan, and deciding to prescribe medication.  Some where on the road to recovery the medical institution is not really required, but merely a hindrance to wellness.

          Kaysen was able to recover and realize what she was going through and to deal with the adversity of being human.  People get depressed.  People attempt to commit suicide.  “Too much acetylcholine, not enough serotonin, and you’ve got depression” (Kaysen 137).  When a person becomes a threat to themselves they become institutionalized.  Although the McLean Hospital was helpful to a certain extent in treating Kaysen, Kaysen worked the system.  This is to say that, Kaysen was a highly intelligent woman that was able to release herself from the oppressive institution. Kaysen’s treatment to recovery was through writing and although the McLean medical professionals seemed to be a part of that, they were merely a sounding board for her.    She helped herself.  She knew that the medical community was not entirely correct with how patients are dealt with.  “That’s because the analysts are writing about a country they call Mind and the neuroscientists are reporting from a country they call Brain” (Kaysen 143).  In other words, not everyone in the medical community really knows how to absolutely treat someone.  At the same time, the medical community may not be entirely certain about what they are talking about.  Kaysen was perceptive enough to understand this and took her life into her own hands. 

          “Kaysen is always aware of the world outside of herself, even when her treatment of these materials undermines the authority of the outside” (Marlan 4).  It is important note this characteristic because being aware is indicative of a person that is considered normal.  People not considered normal are not entirely aware of what is going on internally and externally.  “The question is not ‘who’ is crazy, but who makes the decisions regarding another’s sanity, how is the decision made, and what might it mean to be insane?”  (Marlan 5).  The criterion for making classifications about sane and insane carry implications that may be counterproductive for the patient.  The professionals creating the definitions have a power because they are imbued with the authority to make decisions and to enforce them.  Kaysen, herself, was the key to her own recovery.

Girl, Interupted and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest point out the flaws and frailties of medical institutions and their practices.  McMurphey was attempting to jump from one institution to another, pretending to be insane to gain freedom, but realizing that in doing so one must adhere to the power relations of the institution; most of the time it involves relinquishing one’s freedom for the perception of it.   Kaysen goes through a self analysis of herself and the adversities of life realizing that the medical community, especially within the context of psychotherapy is not necessarily good.  As an intelligent author, Kaysen is able to change the dynamic of the medical institution.  Instead of them treating her, she treats herself.  She gives them the perception that they are a key factor in her recovery, but really uses them as a sounding board for her progress.  What really helps Kaysen is writing.  Her therapy was writing.  It was through writing where Kaysen goes through a self analysis, examining herself like a psychoanalyst would, and providing the course of action internally.

WORK SITED:

1.    Kaysen, Susanna.  Girl, Interrupted.  New York: Random House, 1993.

2.    Kesey, Ken.  One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.  New York: Penguin Books, 2003.

3.    Marlan, Dawn.  “Reviews.”  Chicago Review 1996: p93, 10p.  Academic Search Premier.  EBSCOhost.  University of Hawaii at Manoa Library., Honolulu, HI.  12 Nov. 2005.  

Post Vipassana (June 19 to June 30, 2013)

This is the journal entry I wrote after my experience with meditating silently for 100 hours, without speaking, looking, touching, or interacting with others for 10 days:

On Friday, July 12, 2013

I'm back home from completing and experiencing a 10-day Vipassana Meditation course.  So, I learned about myself, lots about myself.  How to achieve mental silence.  The noble silence really helped.  I learned that I am the master of my own mind.

The anapana, vipassana, and loving-kindness meditations were all helpful.  At the beginning, I wanted to quit, but I stayed, and endured through it.  Once the 4th or 5th day rolled by, adhitthana sittings [Sitting of Strong Determination: where you are asked to be completely still, without moving for the entire hour of meditation] went into effect.  I was able to sit through 15 sits [15 hours and many more] of those.  I learned now to strengthen the mind.

Everything is temporary!  Craving and aversion bring misery and make people miserable.  No pranayama... let the breath be as it is - as it is.  This too will change... temporary.

Wanting ->  Cravings -> Misery

Wanting to Rid -> Aversions -> Misery

Let it be as it is... at this moment.

Everything passes... Fades...

Free Flow: Sometimes fast, sometimes slow.

Those that have have regular meditation practices require less sleep and are more efficient.

Ego dissolves because we became monks and nuns for 10-days.  The vegan and vegetarian food helped.  The body really only needs two meals and a snack a day.

Impermanace: I finally have a better understanding of this, beyond the intellectual (through personal experience).

When you reach day 5 or 6 you have a strong mind, only the weak leave by then.

I'm able to be more present.  To let stuff come up.  Maintain a regular meditation practice.  I'm more open, more honest, and more trusting.  I have the ability to be honest in a heart felt way. 

Patience.

Equanimity -> Balanced

Calm/Focus -> Start from here.

Post Vipassana Notes at Hilo, Big Island Airport June 30, 2013

These are the notes I wrote on my phone after I immediately completed my first 10-day Vipassana Meditation course on Pahoa, Big Island from June 19, 2014 to June 30, 2014 @ 12:11pm:

• Equanimity
• Craving/abortion
• This to will change
• Impermanence/Temporary
• Have optimism
• May all being be happy
• Surrender
• Lived life as monk
• Gypsy camp

• Anapana, Vipassana, loving kindness
• 1 hour in morning and at night
• 5 minutes before bed and at waking
• Strong determination sittings to strengthen and purify mind
• Went to root level/root of problem

• Everything comes and goes 
• Inner freedom
• Fight is with self/battle is with self
• Noble silence to gain mental silence
• Memories came up
• Fears came
• Old habit patterns

• Change response by it responding
• Let it come up

• Observe the sensations
• When making choices observe

• Changed relationship with pain/feelings
• Stronger